Random
As the title suggests, a random collection of tidbits...

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."
- Rhett Butler, Gone With the Wind.

You probably didn't know... (Collected from many various sources)

Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.
Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog," uses every letter in the alphabet.(Developed by Western Union to Test telex/two communications)
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore, when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor, and had figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts – Charlemagne; Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people, without killing them, used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General purpose" vehicle - "G.P."
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL), are the day before, and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.
The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
2/3 of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The characters Bert & Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at work!)
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. (Presbyterian )
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
Elvis had a twin brother named Aaron, who died at birth, which is why Elvis' middle name was Aaron: in honor of his brother.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
Shakespeare invented the words "assassination" and "bump."
Marilyn Monroe had 6 toes on one foot.
If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (Does that one really surprise any of us?)
Vatican City is the smallest country in the world with a population of 1000 & a size of 108.7 acres.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
No president of the United states was an only child.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
Every day more money is printed for monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women, women can hear better than men.
Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
Cost of raising a medium sized dog to the age of 11: $6,400.
Average number of people airborne over the U.S. during any given hour: 61,000.
The world's youngest parents were 8 & 9 and lived in China in 1910.
The youngest Pope was 11 years old.
First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile national monuments.
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on the 4th of July: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2nd, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
The term "whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the 50-caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got the "whole 9 yards".
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
A shark is the only fish that sees with both eyes.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous" - tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina da los Angeles de Porciunula."
Tigers have stripped skin, not just striped fur.
The Interstate system was designed so that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies. The Interstates official name is The National Defense Highway System.
The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only 6" for each gallon of fuel that it burns.
The nursery rhyme Ring Around the Rosey is a rhyme about the bubonic plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores (Ring around the Rosey...). These sores would smell very bad so people would hide flowers on their bodies in an attempt to mask the smell ("pocket full of posies..."). People who died from the plague would be burned to reduce the spread of the disease ("ashes, ashes, we all fall down").
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. From drinking little bottles of...?)
Polar bears are left-handed.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping--the length of a football field.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the males head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....")
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Starfish don't have brains.
The citrus soda 7-UP was created in l929; "7" was selected because the original containers were seven ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors, so they don't know you're there.
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
American car horns beep in the tone of F.
No piece of paper can be folded more than seven times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
One in every four Americans has appeared on television.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
The first CD pressed in the United States was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
The 57 on the Heiz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
NOW GET THIS: The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q: What occurs more often in December than any other month? A: Conception.
Q: What separates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show? A: No theme song.
Q: Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A: Their birthplace.
Q: What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A: All invented by women.
Q: What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A: Honey.
Q: There are more collect calls made on this day than any other. A: Fathers Day.
Q: What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) is most ironic? A: He was allergic to carrots.
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party? A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet

Great lines from job evaluations (A personal favorite)
1. I would not allow this employee to breed.
2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won't be.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. This employee should go far and the sooner he starts, the better.
10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
11. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.
12. A room temperature IQ.
13. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
14. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
15. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
16. A prime candidate for natural deselection.
17. Bright as Alaska in December.
18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
20. Fell out of the family tree.
21. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
22. Has two brains: one is lost; the other is out looking for it.
23. He's so dense, light bends around him.
24. If brains were taxed, she'd get a refund.
25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'll get change.
27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
28. It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
29. One neuron short of a synapse.
30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
32. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
33. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
34. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

I'd be smiling too!

Words
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
The Lord's Prayer: 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg Address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.

The dumbing down of America
This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 from Salina, Kansas. It was taken from the original document on file at the Smoky Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, Kansas and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, Kansas - 1895
Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7-10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts. per bu, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $.20 per inch?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865?

Orthography (Time, one hour)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e'. Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, super.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences, Cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronun-ciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of N.A.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fermandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.

Holidays
Click here to see the 365 days of the year with the LESSER known holidays including March 11th, Worship of Tools Day and July 15th, Respect Canada Day and who can forget October 2nd, Name Your Car Day!.

Edwin Robinson became deaf and blind after a truck accident.  Nine years later he was struck by lightning and within hours his vision and hearing were restored.  Edwin was used for an old Timex ad campaign.

Selected Oxymorons

Cub Fans
20 major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubbies last laid claim to a world series championship:
1. Radio was invented; Cubs fans got to hear their team lose.
2. TV was invented; Cubs fans got to see their team lose.
3. Baseball added 14 teams; Cubs fans get to see and hear their team lose to more clubs.
4. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.
5. Haley's comet passed Earth - twice.
6. Harry Caray was born...and died. Incredible, but true.
7. The NBA, NHL and NFL were formed, and Chicago teams won championships in each league.
8. Man landed on the moon (as have several home runs given up by Cubs pitchers).
9. Sixteen U.S. presidents were elected.
10. There were 11 amendments added to the Constitution.
11. Prohibition was created and repealed. (Could you imagine being a Cubs fan without being able to drink?)
12. The Titanic was built, set sail, sank, was discovered and became the subject of major motion pictures, the latest giving Cubs fans hope that something that finishes on the bottom can come out on top.
13. Wrigley Field was built and becomes the oldest park in the National League.
14. Flag poles were erected on Wrigley Field roof to hold all of the team's future World Series pennants. (Those flag poles have since rusted and been taken down).
15. A combination of 40 Summer and Winter Olympics have been held.
16. Thirteen baseball players have won the Triple Crown; several thanked Cubs pitchers.
17. Bell-bottoms came in style, went out of style and came back in style; disco, swing, and ballroom dancing have done the same.
18. The Chicago White Sox, Cleveland Indians, Boston Red Sox and Florida Marlins have all won the World Series.
19. The Cubs played 14,153 regular-season games; they lost the majority of them.
20. Alaska, Arizona, Hawaii, Oklahoma and New Mexico were admitted to the Union.

You know you grew up in the 80's when...
You know what "Sike" means.
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off."
You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer."
You can sing the McDonald's Big Mack, Filet-o-fish, quarter pounder, and French fry song.
You know who Mr. T is.
You know who Fat Albert is. And who was old boy with the pink mask?
You ever wore fluorescent, neon clothing.
You ever wore the "hypercolor" shirts that changed color from hot pink to orange when ever you stood in the sun or got hot!
You could breakdance, or wish you could.
You wanted to be The Hulk for Halloween.
You Believed that "By the power of Greyskull, you HAD the power!"
Partying "like it's 1999" seemed SO far away.
You thought that Transformers were more than meets the eye.
You knew that knowing is half the battle.
You wanted to be on Star Search.
You can remember Michael Jackson when he was black.
You wore a banana clip at some point during your youth.
You remember the garbage pail kids, and owned some.
You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout."
You knew "Rut row raggy" and "Zoinks."
You HAD to have your MTV.
You actually thought "Dirty Dancing" was a REALLY good movie.
You remember when ATARI was a state of the art video game system.
You owned any cassettes.
You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living on the moon.
You remember and/or owned any of the Care Bear Glass collection from Pizza Hut or the Muppets glasses from McDonalds.
Poltergeist freaked you out.
You knew who Ben Stein was before you could win his money.
"Bueller?"
You carried your lunch to school in a Gremlins, ET, Dukes of Hazzard,Knight Rider, Strawberry Shortcake or A-Team lunch box.
You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf.
You know what leg warmers are and probably had a pair.
You wore biker shorts underneath a short skirt and felt stylish.
You wore your Izod shirt with the collar up.
You had a Swatch Watch with the Swatch Guard.
Your Legos collection started with the free sets in a Happy Meal.
You remember when Happy Meals came in a box, not a paper bag.
You remember when Saturday Night Live was funny.
You had Wonder Woman or Superman underoos.
You know what a "Push Up" ice cream is.
You had to come in the house when the street lights came on.
You had to change into play clothes after school.
You owned, or knew somebody with a Commodore 64.
You hated Scrappy Doo.
You recorded songs off the radio with your boom box.
You wish you had a light saber.
Somehow you still know all the words to songs played on VH1's "Big 80's" ("it's been 7 hours & 15 days...")
Your arm was full of rubber bracelets.
You have ever said, "Gag me with a spoon."
You have ever wondered what happened to Saturday morning cartoons.
You had to get up to change the channel.
You can still sing 1 to 12 from the Pinball machine on Sesame Street.
You thought the "Thriller" video was pretty cool.
You remember the first time you went into a video store to rent a movie.
You wore those wide, colorful shoelaces.
Quiet Riot's "Come on feel the noise" was the best song - ever.
You know where "I want my two dollars" came from.
You still cannot go in to the water because of that damn movie - Jaws.
El Debarge's "Get a beat to the Rhythm of the night" plagued the radio every hour.
You remember life before minivans and SUVs and all large families had station wagons instead.

The One Dollar Bill
Take out a one dollar bill and look at it. The one dollar bill you're looking at first came off the presses in 1957 in its present design. This so-called paper money is in fact a cotton and linen blend, with red and blue minute silk fibers running through it. It is actually material. We've all washed it without it falling apart. A special blend of ink is used, the contents we will never know. It is overprinted with symbols and then it is starched to make it water resistant and pressed to give it that nice crisp look.

If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the United States Treasury Seal. On the top you will see the scales for the balance-a balanced budget. In the center you have a carpenter's T-square, a tool used for an even cut. Underneath is the Key to the United States Treasury. That's all pretty easy to figure out, but what is on the back of that dollar bill is something we should all know. If you turn the bill over, you will see two circles. Both circles, together, comprise the Great Seal of the United States. The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task and another two years to get it approved.

If you look at the left hand circle, you will see a Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the West or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is uncapped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything.

"IN GOD WE TRUST" is on this currency. The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means "God has favored our undertaking." The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means "a new order has begun." At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776.

If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States. It is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States and it is always visible whenever he speaks, yet many know not what the symbols mean. The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol of victory for two reasons: First, it is not afraid of a storm; it is strong and smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, it wears no material crown. We had just broken away from the King of England.

Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own. At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation. In the Eagle's beak you will read, "E PLURIBUS UNUM", meaning "one nation from many people." Above the Eagle you have thirteen stars representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one. Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows.

They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But, think about this: 13 original colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of Independence, 13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin above, 13 letters in "E Pluribus Unum", 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 plumes of feathers on each span of the Eagle's wing, 13 bars on that shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13 fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows.

English Difficulty
22 REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
The archer, bow and arrows and all, stopped to bow before the king.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Random Laws
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time ... Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England – but only in Tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with One exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

American Science Education
Interpretations of nature from junior high, high school, and college test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers (spelling errors preserved)...
"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artifical perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."
"For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

World's Easiest Quiz
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hairbrush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) How long did the Thirty Years War last?
ANSWERS
1) 116 years
2) Ecuador
3) Sheep and Horses
4) November
5) Squirrel fur
6) Dogs (Canares, from the Latin, meaning dogs)
7) Albert
8) Crimson
9) New Zealand
10) Thirty years

Little known facts about Coke and Bounce
Bounce... the stuff you use in your dryer:
1. Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.
2. Eliminates static electricity from your television screen. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling, wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.
3. Dissolves soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a used sheet of Bounce.
4. Freshens the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang one in the closet.
5. Prevents thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet of Bounce to eliminate the static cling on the thread before sewing.
6. Eliminates static cling from pantyhose. Rub a damp, used sheet of Bounce over the hose.
7. Prevents musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.
8. Freshens the air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat.
9. Cleans baked-on food from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in the pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The anti-static agents apparently weaken the bond between the food and the pan while the fabric softening agents soften the baked-on food.
10. Eliminates odors in wastebaskets. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket.
11. Collects cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.
12. Eliminates static electricity from venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resetting.
13. Deodorizes shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight so they'll smell great in the morning.

And now, Coca-Cola...
1. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet. Let the real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
2. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
3. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
4. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the trusted bolt for several minutes.
5. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan; wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
6. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
7. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

Hollywood Filmmaking Rules
1. A scene showing a swimming pool will always have someone falling into it.
2. Silencers will work on revolvers in spite of the air gap between the barrel and cylinder.
3. A car chase ending at the pier always ends up with the getaway car going into the water at full speed.
4. Cars and bikes will jump over other vehicles in spite of the absence of any ramps.
5. A woman with a baby carriage will always narrowly escape being run over by cars in a chase.
6. Important people always swim with their heads and shoulders fully above the water.
7. People don't itch after stepping out of bubble baths without rinsing.
8. Planes always crash and blow up behind hills.
9. People with unresolved problems always end up dead.
10. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people -- whether they are employed or not.
11. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
12. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
13. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
14. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
15. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
16. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
17. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
18. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
19. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
20. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
21. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
22. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while scuba diving.
23. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
24. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
25. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
26. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
27. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
28. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
29. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
30. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
31. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
32. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
33. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
34. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
35. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

It was a dark and stormy night...
These are the 10 winners of 2001's Bulwer Lytton contest (apparently run by the English Department of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel.
10) As a scientist, Throckmorton knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it.
9) Just beyond the Narrows the river widens.
8) With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.
7) Andre, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the east wall: "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep."
6) Stanislaus Smedley, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back-alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved.
5) Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eking out a living at a local pet store.
4) Stanley looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.
3) Like an overripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.
2) Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.
AND THE WINNER IS...
1) The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

*All messages above have come to me from various public sources through email over the past few years.  They can, and should be, freely distributed and shared with friends of yours.  I claim no responsibility for the opinions or facts contained above. I must thank Mark Zalewski and my Dad for many.
Last updated April 16, 2001.